Makoto Shinkai English Fan Forum and Site

a few months i did a movie in Shinkai's style, pls watch and comment.

chowb321

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM6WO8gdwVU

By comment do you want a critique? I definently have alot to say about this. It's nice to see you put the effort into something like this haha. Many things I feel could be so much better though. Ill tell you what I feel if you want.

sure ok.

Many things I want to say also. The effort put into this must be a lot of work, so that's good.

Ill post my thoughts when I feel I have more time, it would take me awhile I think haha.

Hey ... nice film.

I liked the use of the music from Voices, I also liked the outside cloud/sky shots that you included. Nice little story ... decent editing.

Laz

Yes, the use of sky/clouds, music, editing were good. In fact, I would say how everything put together were nicely done. It's just the acting that seem to pull it down.

I'll tell ya what ... I'm guessing chowb321 is not a professional actor or cinematographer or anything .. so I have to cut him some slack. I liked it though, good job.

Laz

Alright ill start working no my critique now =) It's not edited and I most likely repeated my self, I will work more on it later. How ever if you have any questions on thigns I addressed please ask and I will give oyu my input.

Are you going to share this at a film festival? I believe you should haha! Would be a shame not to!

Alright the major motives in the movie I felt could have been more predominant. Time is what you use to separate the two, but with just the change in scenery alone I have a hard time noticing time going by.

Most likely this was due to the times you filmed certain scenes. But for example when the character sees the girl sitting down and waves at him over. He states "two days" went by. How ever the scenery has drastically changed. It's now fall not summer!

Some thing to keep in mind if you try this thing again. be thinking of how you can demonstait the motive you have more effectively.

The opening scene I felt was weak and I was unsure what was going on and what you wated to say with certain things. I feel you ment to say certain things like for example he's tired. This could show he put alot of effort getting there.

The transition was weak though, I didnt understand where we was going or what the phone call was about or what he was doing before hand. He looked sad somehow not necessarily being lazy. I would assume he was happy at the opening. If not just consider him being happy, it works better for the story I fell.

So he's tired then the girl slaps his hand and he can run now. Again the transition was weak. This transition could have been strengthened by like a close up on his face showing him smiling for example. I feel we just need the feeling that she pushed him more just being there.

So to summarize I feel you just need to keep an eye on the transitions in the movie. The development of the chracters the scenery, how you communicate what is happening.

For example at the start we see him run out, and then he is oiut side. Maybe show him running down a stair well inbetween to give us a sense of transition?

Mmhmm, I know they weren't experienced actors so now's an excellent time to start learning if you want to keep on doing cinematography. I would say you should chowb321, I liked the overall way you filmed this.

Agreeing with Menasha, the transitions could have been much more stronger and effective. You will need to work on the emotions shown, like in a close up as Menasha stated and every other scene which includes his emotions.