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Menasha's Writeing
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Dy.laneA
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PostPosted: Sat Mar 29, 2008 8:13 pm    Post subject:  Reply with quote

I looked out the window. Snow is lightly falling with the sun light glowing off the flacks. Reminiscing a day where I was out in the country side. The snow flakes reminded me of insects, very much so unsure of where they were going. Buzzing up, down, sideways. Where ever the wind took them. I remanded stagnant, before returning to my novel.
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Dy.laneA
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 2:16 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Spent almost my whole week end writing this. I need a break now XD
But I know what I want to write about for a novel now.



Brought out of a deep sleep by music playing from an AM broadcast –it was unexpected, I had not set a clock- my perspective of time arrived, morning was here. I let out a low sounding grunt. My first year of high school was done and now I was on holidays. So it’s almost a rule to sleep in.
I fumbled for my glasses on the desk beside me, where I always place them. They were not there; instead I came across a few unfamiliar objects.
Usually someone would be surprised at this, but oddly enough I was not. It felt natural, like it was part of a daily routine. I opened my eyes to visually confirm my suspicion, and I was right. I was not in my room. In fact this was not my house.  
Never once did I begin to wonder how I had gotten here, or what I was doing here. Again it felt like the most natural thing in the world, like this was support to happen.
I surveyed the room, which held a strikingly similar resemblance to my own. My hands had grazed a large dark blue nail polish container that lay on a desk next to the bed which was slightly smaller then my own. The desk then wrapped around the wall to the other side and a drawer then lay against the wall with a few panties folded on top.
The articles in the closet complimented them nicely. This person had a generous selection of outfits and shoes. I could tell they meant a lot the person. From the few blouses along with my other observations I concluded the room belonged to a female. It smelt nice.

The sun beamed over the end of the desk and like any other normal day I stepped out onto the floor. My pajamas then followed, flowing onto my feet. My legs moved unusually well for just waking, but a dull taste resided in my mouth. I stood up.
My first thought was to brush my teeth.
I walked out to the bathroom where I was sure my toothbrush was. The music was left on; I saw no reason to turn it off. I enjoyed it.
I never had heard a song quite like it. The notes were soothing and strong. I rubbed my face with my hands. I was sure I would here it again. No. It was more like I knew I would here hear it again. Like I could see the event happening across a distant field.
The bathroom was in the middle of a hallway, opening only slightly. Light poured from it and the sounds of a showerhead delicately entered my ears. I was drawn to this room. It felt welcoming, and sure enough inside a slender figure stood enjoying the water pouring against her body. I could feel her pleasure closely to my own being and this made me hard. I think she knew that. I tried resisting by preparing my brush but I could feel her presents behind me. Her arms enclosed my body.
“The little things have always been important to you.” She said pulling closer to my ear.
I froze inside her warm arms.
“You know.” She paused
“It will only take you a day. But you will know me. Do you like that idea?”
Her breasts pressed against my back as her tongue touched my ear stealing my energy to reply.
A day? Can you really know someone in only a day?
I slide my body across her arms to face her. I never received a clear vision of her, but she was slightly smaller then I am. Her breasts were the same and were small with pink nipples against her unevenly light tanned skin. I could see her vagina, it had a light triangular coat of dark brown hair just like her head. Her hair was wet and dropped only down to her neck. Which really turned me on.  
With out warning she lowered her body and effortless removed my penis. Lowering her eyes, I was now inside her mouth. It seemed to fit perfectly. She moved her tongue and it curled around my head. I felt paralyzed. I could not object to this, but it had to have been the most powerful sensation I had ever had. It happened so fast. Her lips and tongue held onto me tightly and before I knew it. I came.

I opened my eyes, lying in bed. I was in my room. Yes it was my room. I felt a sticky sensation under my pajamas and I knew right away what had happened. It had been a dream, but not just a dream.
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Junpei
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 9:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Erotic genre eh? Not bad, but don't you think things suddenly started to happen a little too fast when he went inside the bathroom I think it was... Personally I thought 'that scene' needed to be a bit more longer, it should grasp the readers attention.

I've read some novels where they have sex scenes and when the author needs to use genitalic words, they'll tend to use other terms instead of the real name, example; penis would be "companion". I advise you should do this also unless you deliberately wanted to use those words.

Now that you wrote something like this, I'm wondering if I should do too. Never did before but it doesn't seem that difficult. I'll give it a try haha. Razz
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Dy.laneA
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 9:07 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Ill consider both your points Junpei. I'm actually already started writeing the rest of chapter one today. I plan to have a few sexual themes in the novel but not much, I am still unsure at this moment. For some reason I have a feeling the wet dream will be useful later on somehow, but I do not know at the moment. If not, ill just change it to somethign else. This girl though is in the dream. The dark blue nail polish hopefully hints at that.

The character is starting to develop physic ablitites, I plan to tie this into a motive of "knowing someone.

Erotic moments can definently fit into a samurai story haha!


Last edited by Dy.laneA on Mon Apr 07, 2008 9:12 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Dy.laneA
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 07, 2008 9:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I reread what I wrote and I agree with you, the transition form her talking to her, you know. Was a little choppy and to quick. Ill ease the transition somehow. But the whole ordeal will be very quick.
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Dy.laneA
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 09, 2008 8:20 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Rewrote it a bit.


Brought out of a deep sleep by music playing from an AM broadcast –it was unexpected, I had not set a clock- my perspective of time arrived, morning was here. I let out a low sounding grunt. My first year of high school went by with relative ease and now I was on holidays. So it’s almost a rule for me to sleep in.
I fumbled for my glasses on the desk beside me, where I always place them. They were not there; instead I came across a few unfamiliar objects by which I was not surprised, it felt natural, like I was running my daily routine. I opened my eyes to visually confirm my suspicion. I was right, I was not in my room, in fact, this was not my house.  
I never once began to wonder why I was here, or how I had gotten here, since it felt like any other day, I had no reason to.
I surveyed the room and noticed the strikingly similar resemblance to my own. I looked down at the desk. I had grazed a dark blue nail polish container in search of my glasses. It felt important somehow, but I had no idea why. Anyways my glasses were now there so I put them on.
The desk stood next to the bed, and continued to hug the wall to other side where a drawer then stood. A few panties lay folded on top. They were all colored and had small white designs repeating on them. I rubbed the back of my head as I looked into the closet. The articles of clothing complimented them nicely with a few blouses hanging along side a generous selection of outfits and shoes. This person obviously took great care in organization and I could tell they meant a lot. From my observations I concluded the room belonged to a female. It smelt nice.

The sun beamed over the end of the desk and like any other normal day I stepped out onto the floor. My pajamas, flowed onto my feet. My legs moved unusually well for just waking, but a dull taste resided in my mouth. I stood up.
My first thought was to brush my teeth.
I walked out to the bathroom where I was sure my toothbrush was. The music was left on; as I saw no reason to turn it off. I enjoyed it.
I never had heard a song quite like it. The notes were soothing and strong and held a sensual feeling.  I let out a light sigh. I was sure I would here it again. No. It was more like I knew I would here hear it again. Like I could see the event happening across a distant field. I did not think much on the subject however.
The bathroom was in the middle of a hallway, opened only slightly. Light poured from it and the sounds of a showerhead delicately entered my ears. I was drawn to this room. It felt welcoming, and warm. I should go there, even if there’s no toothbrush.
I entered and sure enough a slender figure stood inside enjoying the water pouring against her body. I could feel her pleasure closely to my own being and this made me hard. I think she knew that and I felt slightly embarrassed. I tried overwriting this feelings by preparing my
brush, luckily it had been there, but I could feel her presents behind me. Her arms were wet and enclosed me.
“The little things have always been important to you. Why do you ignore them lately?”
She said pulling up to my face. Her light breath wisped against my ear.
I remained silent
“You know.” She paused.
“It will only take you a day. But you will know me.” She waited.  “Do you like that idea? I think you do.” She whispered pressing her breasts against my back, I had no energy to reply.
A day? Can you really know someone in a day?
I slide my body through her arms to face her. I never received a clear vision of her. My glasses were fogged up.
She was slightly smaller then I was. Her breasts were small but had a soft touch with pink nipples against her unevenly tanned skin. I think she was a little younger then I was actually. But she had me. I could see her womenness a light triangular coat of dark brown hair covered it just like her head.
Her hair was wet and dropped only down to her neck. This really turned me on.  

With out warning she then lowered her body and with out effort took out my penis. Her eyes lowered and all I could now see was her hair, which I couldn’t help but stare at. I was now inside her mouth and I fit perfectly. She moved her tongue curling it around my head. I felt paralysed. I could not object to this, I had no energy. It had to have been the most powerful sensation I had ever had however. It happened so fast. I had no power to debate whether this should be happening, her lips and tongue held onto me tightly. With this I went submissive and let it by. Before I knew it. I came.

I opened my eyes abruptly, and I was in my room. Yes. It was my room. I felt a sticky sensation under my pajamas and I knew right away what had happened. I stood up and quickly changed out of my pajamas and hopped into the shower. It felt warm and welcoming. I was glad to be there.
Not really drying my self off I wrapped a towel around my body and sat down on my bed. Summer has it’s way around me of being the darkest time of the year. With my friends gone and my father always working I lived alone, Loneliness has a tendency to live inside me.
It’s discomforting.
I don’t know the details of my fathers work, nor am I interested. Sometimes though, I wonder if lives in a whole other life with a family I do not know. I try not to though, the loneliness will just inflate.
I closed my eyes. I’m not sure how long I lay there for, a few minutes an hour, it did not really matter though but I was jerked awake by the phone ringing.
“Hello?” I answered
“Hey, it’s Brian. I’m phoning to let you know that I forgot to let the dog out this morning, so I need you to do that for me.”
I waited. There was more for him to day.
“As well I phoned to let you know that you will need to fix your self dinner tonight. There should be something in the fridge.”
“Yea.”
“Anyways, I need to head off bye.” The line went dead.
I held onto the receiver for a few moments before setting it down. Those were most likely the only words I would speak to my dad today. It left an unsatisfying pang.
Still with the towel around me I returned to my room and got dressed in what ever I saw, then walked downstairs with the dog on my mind.

I checked in the places he laid most frequently first but he was not there. He meant a lot, so worries began to wash over me.
“Sam?”
My called filled every corner of the house, but just echoed emptily. I looked everywhere and anywhere in the house. I suspected to at least find his body, lifeless. He was an old dog, but the house was completely devoided. I sat down to put my thoughts together.
Did I leave the door open? Is it possible he got out? I sat on that for awhile. I doubted the theory, he was reluctant enough as it is to walk these days, but it was a possibility.
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Junpei
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Is the blue nail polish some icon of yours?
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Dy.laneA
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:13 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No not at all, this girl character is the same one from the first story I wrote where she is riding the bike.

I may take it out though since after this guy goes out to find his dog he see's "that girl" ride by who he see's ride by his house everyday. He already knew she was the person in his dream but he did not think much of it. Since she's basically the only girl that's relevant in his life at the moment.

Like in the first story she wears blue nail polish... I have no idea why, I just like Atasuki's figure nails! Though there more purple oh well.

Anyways he takes this opertunity to ask her about his dog, and they go looking for it. There unsuccesful.

When the guy returns to his house the dog is now there. The dog kind of has the look that "there was something I had to do" on his face so says the boy.

The dog dies the next day, I'm pretty sure. I don't know why to keep him.
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Junpei
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 1:38 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The dog dies the next day

Wow, just killed it off so abruptly.

I thought Akatsuki nails were black?


Last edited by Junpei on Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:19 am; edited 1 time in total
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Dy.laneA
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PostPosted: Fri Apr 11, 2008 2:03 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

No, purple blueish color. In manga it's black because it's black and white haha! But in Kishimoto's marker illustrations and the anime they have a purple color.

Yes the dog dies off quickly, but this will be used to get some more backstory on the mother since it was her's around the time she died. I hope the writing works out better then my explanation, but the dog dies after doing "what he had to do"

If I don't feel wrightg about it I'll figure something else out for the dog.

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