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Voices of a Distant Star

 
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Voices of a Distant Star
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Quas
VelaCiela


Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Posts: 34


Location: Sydney

PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 8:04 am    Post subject: Voices of a Distant Star  Reply with quote

I figured I'd give you all a small sampling of a fan-written version to Voices of a Distant Star, to get your thoughts and opinions on.

It is based entirely on the 25 minute vid-esode, and based on the English translation. I am currently working on writing one for the Japanese version also, but my knowledge of Japaese is limited (at best).



“Voices Of A Distant Star” Story Edition – Quas Farroway

PROLOGUE:


Outside of the window to the right, a flock of birds passed by, flapping their wings and soon disappearing from view in the redish hue of the sunset.

Leaning against the back wall of the carriage, the rhythmic clacking and rocking of the train bouncing along the rail lines filled Mikako's every senses, yet she gave the ordinary feel no more than a passing thought as her fingers flickered across the number pads of her mobile phone, lost in the determination to get some kind of contact with the world outside her own mind.
She pressed the talk button and after a second's hesitation, an emotionless recording reached her ears.

“You are out of your calling area.”

Her eyes slowly closed, a look of disaapointment and sadness spreading across her face just as the redish sky outside was swallowed by the blackness of a tunnel.

The echoing footsteps against a metal stair case reverberated through the air as Mikako decended to the lower level of her apartment complex and step out onto a narrow balcony. The soft cool breezes of late Summer brushed over her, whipping her short brown hair across her face, but made no move to brush it aside. She placed a hand on the cool railing and looked out at the cityscape that spwarled before her eyes. She lowered her hand holding her mobile phone to her side, watching out as the traffic far below her stretched on in all directions, unaware that they were silently being observed.

When I was younger, I believed what I was told. That when you called someone, they would be there. That they would hear you. But I call, and I never reach anyone.

Mikako lifted her phone again, dialing the same number that she had for as long as she could remember, hoping for a response that she knew would never come.

“Hello? Is...is anybody there? I'm so lonely...”
“Noboru? I'm coming home... Okay?”

(AN: That is all for the preview. I'll wait and see if anyone wants to read it in its entirety).
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'Thou shalt not converse with me' - Quas Farroway
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gleowine
Ekusun Tsukinoe


Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Posts: 415


Location: Louisiana

PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 8:55 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hey Quas. When you first mentioned doing this, I didn't quite know what you were up to. But after reading it, I'm really interested now. It's a different take on the telling of the story, using a literary approach. I say, keep going. Smile

EDIT: Wow, Ezo Tower! I can see the whole world from up here. Shocked
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Junpei
VNP 46b-512


Joined: 25 Jan 2008
Posts: 873


Location: Australia

PostPosted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 3:02 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The visuals are so vivid in my mind! I'd love to read more, Quas. Smile
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Laz
Laz


Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 1330



PostPosted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 4:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I agree with Gleo ...  wasn't sure what your take on this was going to be but I like it. Cool idea!

Laz
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ここにいるよ. - Voices of a Distant Star
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Quas
VelaCiela


Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Posts: 34


Location: Sydney

PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 12:45 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks, all.

Unfortunately I am in the middle of moving and today's the last day I will have internet connection until Nov. 11, so I'll add up the second (and longer) part then.

Cheers, all.

Smile
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Quas
VelaCiela


Joined: 30 Sep 2009
Posts: 34


Location: Sydney

PostPosted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 7:21 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

AN: Well, I got the internet back a day early, sohere's the next part to 'Voices' that I had up on the computer. All the rest is hand written, so over the next few days or weeks, I will type them on the computer and post the rest here.

PART I:

“Nobaoru, wait!” Mikako yelled as she took the stairs at a fast pace and grabbed at the handrailing at the first landing to slow herself down before continuing on after her friend.

“Hurry up!” Beside a noticeboard, a slender young man stood with one hand in his pocket and school bag in the other, a slight smirk crossing his face as he watched Mikako run down the remaining flight of stairs.
He leaned back against the wall casually, facing Mikako. “Well? How'd you do?”
“How do I always do on finals?” Mikako said in a quiet voice, with a trace of sarcasm.
“Alright then. Guess that means same school?”
“I hope so!” Mikako looked up quickly, a hopeful look in her eyes, which quickly faded to reveal a sense of sadness as she thought over what her best friend had just said. “I hope so...”
Mikako cast her eyes to the sky, a brilliant blue with soft rolling clouds floating past on the gentlest of air currents and said no more as the two of them made their way outside into the courtyard, where Noboru unfastened his bicycle from the stands and climbed on, Mikako stepping into line beside him.

Above, the almost silent engines of a battleship glided over the school, sparkling in the afternoon sun as it ascended into the clouds.
“Noboru, look! It's beautiful...”
“Yeah,” Noboru replied softly, his eyes drawn to the mighty ship and the flock of birds that seemed to be flying along side it.
“Is it one of ours?
“Cosmonaught. U.N Army's. The Lysithea, I think.”
“Yeah...” Mikako let out a sadened sigh, as a cool breeze of wind whipped past her.

The sunlight was slowly descending into a mild orange hue as Mikako and Noboru slowly strolled through a laneway adjacent to the railway tracks and as the familiar clanking of a passenger-choked train rushed by them, Noboru finally broke the silence that had settled between them since leaving school grounds.
“You know, I saw on the news that's the ship that's going after the Mars attackers.”
“The Tarsians.” Mikako's tried saying simply, but even to her, it was filled with disgust.
“Hey, do you remember what it was like before the War?”NObaru stopped beside Mikako as the level crossing decended in front of them, the yellow light flashing and a gentle, yet cautious alarm from the crossing levels warned of an approaching train.
“No,” Mikako replied, a hint of sadness in her voice.
Noboru looked over at her out of the corner of his eyes, then turned away, ashamed at bringing up the subject that he knew he shouldn't have.
“I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything...”
“No,” Mikako glanced sadly at the ground, conflicting thoughts and emotions running through her head. Her eyes closed slightly, as though she were remembering something in the near past. “It's alright.”
Noboru watched her, her voice becoming soft and compassionate, as he watched Mikako stare at the ground, as thought lost in thought.
“Yeah. Look, I just to tell you that...”
Just then, a train passed in front of them, rattling across the rusted-coloured train tracks, drowning out Mikako's words. On the sides of the carriages that passed by in a blurr, Mikako could pick out some of the words  printed in bold black stenciling against the brilliant white of the upper carriages:
'United Nation Spacy” and in that moment, she felt her once carefree existence substituted by a sense of loneliness and anger rolled into one.
She cast her eyes down as the train sped past, knowing that it wasn't the train and its purpose that had changed her mood, but the actions of her choices that weighed heavily upon her soul. Her actions that she had kept bottled inside for so long...

“So, where do you wanna eat?”
“The bus stop?
“Hm... Yeah!”
Mikako and Nobaru left the convenience store and looked up, noticing that dark grey clouds were forming in the sky above them; lightning crackled and thunder roared off in the distance, announcing the presence of a thunder storm that was fast approaching.
“We'd better hurry,” Noboru muttered, watching at the grey storm clouds quickly replaced the last rays of the orange sunset in the sky.
Not long afterwards, as they pased by the flight of stairs that led down into a deserted alleyway dotted on all sides by thick foliage of trees on one sie and a private residence on the other, Mikako held her hands across Noboru' waist as they sped down the road in the pouring rain. Mikako giggled as the downpour of rain started suddenly and began to drench them both in a fine coat.

It wasn't long until they reached the bus stop, and Mikako took a seat on the bench nearest of the door, slipping off her shoes and enjoying the gentle mist of rain that fell on her bare feet, as an mpty box of Pico and a half empty can of drink sat beside her shoes, while Noboru  beside her on the far bench across the back wall of the bus stop.
“So, are you going to keep studying Kendo?”
“I don't know... You're better at it than I am. Sometimes, I can't even lift a sword.”
“That's not true,” Noboru replied gently. “You should keep at it. You're strong, you know.”
Mikako smiled. “You just wannt be in the same class as me.”
Noboru laughed nervously, knowing that it was obvious to Mikako that that was exactly what his thoughts were.
“What are you talking about?”

(Cont.)

(Edit:) I apologise for taking so long in posting the rest, I know how extremely annoying it can be to have to wait. Just had a few things to deal with on this side of the pond lately, so I will put more up by Sunday night (Aust. Eastern time)


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